You better love somebody…

Okay maybe you better love somebody, but you won’t love this movie.  I just watched 1984’s “Hard to Hold” starring Rick Springfield and it’s more like “hard to watch without wanting to rip your own skin off”.  This movie is going to fall into my new category, Nice Ass Bad Movie.  This category was created for the debacle that is “Staying Alive”.  To be honest, it’s more like Kinda Cute Butt, Really Bad Movie.  I guess I can’t go around all willy nilly creating new categories based on how much I like the actor’s bum or can I…


After watching “Staying Alive” (blech, it hurts me just to say it) I started thinking about Rick Springfield.  Not sure about the connection?  Here’s how it went down.  Finola Hughes is in “SA” and she was also in General Hospital.  There was a doctor who worked at General Hospital and his name was Noah Drake.  And Noah Drake was played by none other than little Ricky Springfield.  . 


Rick Springfield is really flexing his acting muscles in this one by playing a rock star.  What not a doctor?  Nope.  Just your everyday run-of-the-mill-rock-star named Jamie Roberts.  He meets this woman, well actually he runs into this woman’s car while trying to escape his many fans while driving a red Trans Am that belongs to a guy named Casserole.  Oh and by the way, he is also wearing Casserole’s pants.  So he tries to woo this woman.  Her name is Diana Lawson and she’s a child psychologist and she has no idea who he is.  And she is not even moved or remotely interested even when he buys her a new Volvo.  I don’t get it.  I usually, at the very least, go for drinks with someone when they buy me a new car especially if it’s foreign.


Okay, so she falls for him after he sends a Tony Bennett impersonator to serenade her.  Whatever.  A faux Tony gets her in the sack but not a genuine Volvo?  I will have to say that Diana is quite a little minx.  She’s no prude.  So the usual stuff ensues when people from different backgrounds fall in love and have nothing in common but love itself.  <insert big yawn> Very boring. 


But, you knew there was one in here, the best part is Jamie Robert’s ex-girlfriend and writing partner, Nicky Nides played by Patti Hansen.  I recognized her face but didn’t know who she was so I did a little research (thanks internet) and I discovered that she is an ex-model who is married to…get this…Keith Richards who we all know is a real ROCK STAR.  She even has children with him.  So you know she just has to be a complete nut job and that’s how she acts in the movie.  I loved her.  If not for her, I would have pulled this DVD out of the machine, slapped it around, broke it in a million pieces and lit it on fire in true ROCK STAR fashion.


Here is my favorite scene.  Let me break it down for you:


Okay, so Nicky has been causing some problems for the love birds and Diana decides she should talk to Nicky.  Jamie and Casserole try to warn Diana that nobody talks to Nicky but Diana says “I deal with disturbed children all day, surely I can handle Nicky.  I am a professional.”  So Diana goes up to Nicky’s hotel room and pushes her way in.  Here is the dialogue:


“Nicky, I think it’s time that you confront your hostility.  We should share our feelings.”


“Screw off!”


“Okay, that was hostile.”


“No shit Mary Poppins.”


“These are just anxiety defenses to block your true feelings.”


“Go sit on it bi—!”  (I have to interrupt here. “Sit on it”????  I mean I love the Fonz, but would a tough-as-nails-meaner-than-a-run-over-dog-rocker-chick say “sit on it”?  I think not.)


“Nicky, Nicky…”


“Ain’t that Jamie’s shirt?  Get it off!”


“Nicky we just need to interface a little more.”


Now it gets really good.  Nicky pulls a switchblade out and starts threatening Diana as she babbles on with her psycho mumbo jumbo.  CAT FIGHT!  I’m thinking, yes Nicky is going to show her “interface” and stab Dr. Mary Poppins, PhD and put us all out of our misery.  Yay!  End of the movie!!!!  No such luck.  As it turns out, it’s not really a switchblade but one of those stupid combs that looks like a switchblade.  Diana, once again, surprises us by punching Nicky in the face, shutting her up thus extending this movie into its 4th or 5th hour.  I’m not even sure at this point.  That’s it, the absolute best scene in the whole movie.


I hate to dis Rick because I really do like him.  I always have.  He has some good songs and the soundtrack to this movie is pretty good and I always wanted to be Jessie’s Girl.  But this movie really stinks.  Sorry Rick.


Here’s the trailer.  It has a little bit of psycho Nicky:



3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    All I can say is I’ve never seen this movie…. and now I know why. LOL

  2. 2

    ckd said,

    I have seen this movie..though I dont remember it in this detail…but meaner than a run over dog?…ummm where did that come

  3. 3

    nibbles said,

    I saw it in the theater when it came out. I was the teen-aged female target demographic. All I remember is his butt. He was running away from someone while wearing a towel and there was the gratuitous oops moment in which the towel fell off. Apparently there were three or four more butt-shots that I don’t even remember. It’s quite the thing for me to not remember up to four opportunities to see this majestic butt plastered across the big silvery screen just for me. I must have nodded off.
    Rick Springfield is a torrent of contradictions. On the one hand, he’s wanted to be taken seriously as a musician and to get past the pretty-boy-teen-idol image ever since he got out of the gate in the early 1970s, but then he signs up to star in a movie in which he has to display his wares multiple times for no good reason. How does that help? And even now, as he’s pushing 60, he regularly removes his shirt on stage. He is in freakishly great shape, but this isn’t doing a thing for his credibility. You don’t see Radiohead or Eric Clapton removing their shirts.
    There are other contradictions, like how his lyrics are still sexist and stalkerish to this day despite having his bread generously buttered for almost 40 years by a fan-base that’s about 90% female, but we only have so much time for considering such matters. I just know I was over him when that creepy “Don’t Talk To Strangers” video came out and that all his later stuff covers pretty much the same material.

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