Grease is still the word…I DON’T THINK SO!

Yay!  I’m a winner (well, a big fat loser really).  I just won the trifecta of bad movie musicals when I took a chance on Grease 2.  To be perfectly honest with you I never saw this movie when it came out in 1982.  I’m not sure why.  Maybe I was grounded when it came out because I know that some of my friends saw it and liked it (there’s no accounting for teenage taste).  I’m so glad I was grounded.  Thanks Mom. 


Oh to go back to those days when I was innocent of all that is Grease 2.  How I long for the days before I had witnessed such musical atrocities as “Score Tonight” which involves the Pink Ladies and the T-Birds singing and dancing at the bowling alley with lyrics like “let’s bowl, let’s bowl, let’s rock-n-roll”.  And “Reproduction” a song set in sex education class where they sing things like “make my stamen go beserk”.


I won’t even go into who’s who and what’s what because, well, it’s just not worth it.  Michelle Pfeiffer plays Stephanie Zinino, the leader of the Pink Ladies, while they could never live up to originals, they weren’t that bad.  Don’t even get me started on the T-Birds more like the T-Blobs who are a total waste of space.  Zuko and Knickie would have been ashamed.


I can only think of one really funny line.  It’s when the Pink Ladies are in the Pink Mobile driving really fast and reckless as they are following the T-Birds who are following Mystery Biker guy so they can rearrange his face.  And one of the girls says, “We’re going to die and I’m wearing my mother’s underwear!”  I’m not even sure why I thought this was so funny, but it made me laugh.


Okay, so here is my favorite scene.  Let me break it down for you:


Michael, he’s Sandy’s cousin, asks Stephanie out and she turns him down because he’s not her type.  So she gives him a musical version of her e-Harmony profile which describes her perfect man as a “Cool Rider”.  Michelle’s singing and dancing are okay, but she’s so annoyingly adorable, it’s hard not to like this scene.  Here have a look:


Stephanie is so cute in her black skinny jeans and her black jacket with the pink satin lining but I think I her hair looks a little more like 1980’s than 1960’s. 


I guess I will have to put this in the Nice Ass Bad Movie category because Michelle Pfeiffer does have a tiny, but very cute derriere and well, sorry, but this a baaaaaad movie.  A bad, bad, bad, bad movie.  (Sing that to the “Cool Rider” tune for the full effect.) 


Here’s another clip I found.  I think it is jd and webster.  Or is that atoochie.  Maybe sheba and hootch?  I’m not sure.  Let me know.

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Boxing Jane Doe

I’m sensing a pattern here.  I don’t even know who this arm belongs to.  Notice the tattoo? Is Angelina Jolie missing an arm?  Was she involved in some sort of freak accident while simultaneously nursing the twins, carrying Shiloh and Zahara on her hips, and roller blading with Pax and Maddox?  Was she swinging from a vine in Cambodia trying to save orphans with one arm and trying to save Brad from the evil clutches of  Clooney with the other?  Could it be some stunt gone wrong on the set of one of her crappy awesome movies?  Or did Jennifer Aniston finally get revenge?  

Any of these scenarios is possible but how did the severed arm end up on my breakfast bar?

So many questions.  But I need answers!!!!

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Boxing Barbie

Does anyone remember this movie called “Boxing Helena” with Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks) and that strange actor who looks like Sting?  He is surgeon and obsessed with her so he does what any smitten guy would do-he cuts off her arms and legs.  At first, she is really mean to him (go figure) but then she kind of falls in love with him.  Anyone???  Maybe I’m the only who saw it. 

Don’t worry I’m not going to review it.  Sadly, it was made in the 90’s so it just wouldn’t fit in here.  But that movie got me to thinking about Sherilyn Fenn in another movie that was made in the 80’s, “Two Moon Junction“.  If you’ve seen it, you would remember.  Very steamy.  Maybe to hot for the this old 80’smoviemama.  

But that’s not what I want to talk about either.  I wanted to share the gruesome discovery I made while cleaning my daughters bathroom today.  If you’re at all squeamish you might not want to look.  Go ahead.  It’ll be okay.  I promise.

Should I be worried?  Keep in mind she’s four.  Maybe she’ll be a surgeon?  Or a pyschopath?  It could go either way at this point.  I’ll let you know.


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You better love somebody…

Okay maybe you better love somebody, but you won’t love this movie.  I just watched 1984’s “Hard to Hold” starring Rick Springfield and it’s more like “hard to watch without wanting to rip your own skin off”.  This movie is going to fall into my new category, Nice Ass Bad Movie.  This category was created for the debacle that is “Staying Alive”.  To be honest, it’s more like Kinda Cute Butt, Really Bad Movie.  I guess I can’t go around all willy nilly creating new categories based on how much I like the actor’s bum or can I…


After watching “Staying Alive” (blech, it hurts me just to say it) I started thinking about Rick Springfield.  Not sure about the connection?  Here’s how it went down.  Finola Hughes is in “SA” and she was also in General Hospital.  There was a doctor who worked at General Hospital and his name was Noah Drake.  And Noah Drake was played by none other than little Ricky Springfield.  . 


Rick Springfield is really flexing his acting muscles in this one by playing a rock star.  What not a doctor?  Nope.  Just your everyday run-of-the-mill-rock-star named Jamie Roberts.  He meets this woman, well actually he runs into this woman’s car while trying to escape his many fans while driving a red Trans Am that belongs to a guy named Casserole.  Oh and by the way, he is also wearing Casserole’s pants.  So he tries to woo this woman.  Her name is Diana Lawson and she’s a child psychologist and she has no idea who he is.  And she is not even moved or remotely interested even when he buys her a new Volvo.  I don’t get it.  I usually, at the very least, go for drinks with someone when they buy me a new car especially if it’s foreign.


Okay, so she falls for him after he sends a Tony Bennett impersonator to serenade her.  Whatever.  A faux Tony gets her in the sack but not a genuine Volvo?  I will have to say that Diana is quite a little minx.  She’s no prude.  So the usual stuff ensues when people from different backgrounds fall in love and have nothing in common but love itself.  <insert big yawn> Very boring. 


But, you knew there was one in here, the best part is Jamie Robert’s ex-girlfriend and writing partner, Nicky Nides played by Patti Hansen.  I recognized her face but didn’t know who she was so I did a little research (thanks internet) and I discovered that she is an ex-model who is married to…get this…Keith Richards who we all know is a real ROCK STAR.  She even has children with him.  So you know she just has to be a complete nut job and that’s how she acts in the movie.  I loved her.  If not for her, I would have pulled this DVD out of the machine, slapped it around, broke it in a million pieces and lit it on fire in true ROCK STAR fashion.


Here is my favorite scene.  Let me break it down for you:


Okay, so Nicky has been causing some problems for the love birds and Diana decides she should talk to Nicky.  Jamie and Casserole try to warn Diana that nobody talks to Nicky but Diana says “I deal with disturbed children all day, surely I can handle Nicky.  I am a professional.”  So Diana goes up to Nicky’s hotel room and pushes her way in.  Here is the dialogue:


“Nicky, I think it’s time that you confront your hostility.  We should share our feelings.”


“Screw off!”


“Okay, that was hostile.”


“No shit Mary Poppins.”


“These are just anxiety defenses to block your true feelings.”


“Go sit on it bi—!”  (I have to interrupt here. “Sit on it”????  I mean I love the Fonz, but would a tough-as-nails-meaner-than-a-run-over-dog-rocker-chick say “sit on it”?  I think not.)


“Nicky, Nicky…”


“Ain’t that Jamie’s shirt?  Get it off!”


“Nicky we just need to interface a little more.”


Now it gets really good.  Nicky pulls a switchblade out and starts threatening Diana as she babbles on with her psycho mumbo jumbo.  CAT FIGHT!  I’m thinking, yes Nicky is going to show her “interface” and stab Dr. Mary Poppins, PhD and put us all out of our misery.  Yay!  End of the movie!!!!  No such luck.  As it turns out, it’s not really a switchblade but one of those stupid combs that looks like a switchblade.  Diana, once again, surprises us by punching Nicky in the face, shutting her up thus extending this movie into its 4th or 5th hour.  I’m not even sure at this point.  That’s it, the absolute best scene in the whole movie.


I hate to dis Rick because I really do like him.  I always have.  He has some good songs and the soundtrack to this movie is pretty good and I always wanted to be Jessie’s Girl.  But this movie really stinks.  Sorry Rick.


Here’s the trailer.  It has a little bit of psycho Nicky:



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See that girl, watch that scene, diggin’ the dancing queen

I am sooo excited about this movie.  I know it’s not the 80’s but the stage production was awesome and the music is from the 70’s.  And it’s ABBA so how can it be bad?  And it’s Meryl Mia!

Hey I bet Sophie was born in the 80’s.

I can’t wait to see it.

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The fever still burns…NOT!!!

Dear John,


I have just seen “Staying Alive” the 1983 sequel to one of your best movies ever, “Saturday Night Fever” and all I have to say is…what are you doin’ Johnny? 


You romanced me with great hits like “Grease”, “Saturday Night Fever”, and “Urban Cowboy”.  I loved you when you were “The Boy in the Plastic Bubble” even though I couldn’t touch you or I would kill you.  I forgave you and cried for you in “Carrie”.  (What a whack job that one was.)  I didn’t think Vinnie Barbarino was stupid.  I never saw “Moment to Moment”.  I thought “Blow Out” was okay.  But this, “Staying Alive”, I can not and will not overlook.  My heart is broken and I blame Sylvester Stallone and Scientology.  Oh sure, our love would be rekindled many years later because of a little film called “Pulp Fiction”, but for now, it’s OVER!!!!!


I get the concept.  It’s been six years since “Saturday Night Fever” and Tony Manero has moved to Manhattan looking for his big break.  Tony is working as a dance instructor and a waiter.  Cynthia Rhodes stars as his girlfriend Jackie and he treats her like crap.  Hello?   Remember how bad he treated Annette??? 


So anyway, Tony lands a role in this musical production called “Satan’s Alley” starring Laura played by Finola Hughes.  (Remember her from General Hospital?  I think her name was Anna and she was married to Robert Scorpio?  Didn’t she have some sort of scar on her face that was fake and she pealed it off like one of those window cling thingies?  Is that right?  Any of it?  Someone please let me know.)  Laura’s character is just awful.  She reminds me of some snippy-snappy spoiled little British lap dog as she barks lines like “We met.  We made it.  What did you expect?  True love?  Everybawdy uses everybawdy .”  

 (Say that in your head in a British accent for the full dramatic effect.)


I think the name of the show, “Satan’s Alley”, is a bit ironic and yet very appropriate because after watching this movie I feel like I have been to Hell and back.  Also, I consider Satan to be none other than…Sylvester Stallone.  Why do I hate everyone’s favorite boxer you ask?  Let me break this down for you!   Because he directed, produced and wrote this piece of crap.  I don’t know why he wasn’t busy making Rocky 5,041 or something.  I personally think he saw you, John, as his competition and tried to KO you right out of the business.  


This is totally Sly’s film.  He even put his brother, Frank in it.  At least there’s no big, ole blonde Brigitte. He definitely influenced the fashions in this film-a whole lot of leather, fur and my favorite, shiny Lycra.  Sly himself even shows up in the movie in a big fur coat.  Puleez. 


Okay, so Tony and Laura have this supposed intense dancing chemistry.  Whatever.  So Tony decides he wants the lead role in the show and asks Jackie to help him.  So he steals the lead and becomes the star of the show.  Right.  This is sooo believable.  Tony “won-one-disco-contest” Manero from Brooklyn beats out classical trained dancer in less than five minutes. 


I will say this John, you have some funny lines.  Like when you are working as a waiter (you looked good by the way in your little tuxedo ensemble) and this girl keeps ordering all these drinks and she ask you “Do you know why I order so many drinks, Tony?” and you say “I dunno.  Maybe you’re an alcoholic.”  Heehee.  That’s funny.  Her response is “I just love to watch you walk, Tony.  I just love to watch you walk.”  Hmmmmm…That line sounds a little familiar.


Here is my favorite scene.  Let me break it down for you:


Right after Tony’s triumphant Broadway debut and he is leaving the cast party and Jackie asks where he’s going and he says “I want to strut.”  And he struts right out into Times Square to Staying Alive. 


That’s it.  The best part of this movie is the last minute.   Here it is:


So that’s what I want you to do John is just strut right out to the curb before I kick you there.  It’s over.  Done.  Keep going.  Don’t look back.  Don’t let the door hit you on your cute-little-Lee-jean-covered-ass.  Oh, uh, are you really going?  Oh, okay.  Good.  I’m soooo glad. 


Good riddance…


…so long loser


…bye, bye


…call me.




Your Hopelessly Devoted and Seriously Delusional and Somewhat Twisted Former #1 Fan 


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Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

I have an announcement.  I can barely contain myself.  I want to shout it from the rooftops.  I’M IN LOVE!!!!!!  Yes you heard me.  I’m in love.  It’s not a new love.  I have rekindled an old love, a summer fling.  Who or what is the object of my affection you ask?  It is none other than 1987’s “Dirty Dancing” starring Patrick Swayze and the very adorable Jennifer Grey.  I know, I know another dance movie, but I just can’t seem to get enough.  You all know how important dance is to me.  It permeates my life from all directions.  I had forgotten how wonderful this movie is and I recommend you go out and rent it right now.  This very minute… or you can wait until you finish reading. Whatever.


This is such an inspirational feel-good movie that it changed my life forever.  I was so conflicted with what direction my life should take.  On one hand I had my dream of going to Mount Holyoke College to major in economics so I could eventually join the Peace Corps.  And on the other hand, I wanted to run around and look adorable as I danced on bridges and logs and in the lake with that hot dance instructor, Johnny Castle.  This movie made me realize I could have it all.  I mean it was 1963 and things they were a changin’.


Oh wait, that’s not me.  That was Baby from the movie.  Sometimes I just get so caught up in the moment I think I am actually in the movie.  Sorry. 


But it did change me.  Here I was a beautiful, sexy dancer, a Rockette even and my life had no direction.  My mother kicked me out at sixteen and I had been dancing ever since.  I found myself preggers by Robbie, the waiter and creep, and in 1963 this was a huge problem.  I thought there was no hope until Baby got me the money for my abortion I mean my appointment (they never say the word abortion not one time in the whole movie).  Is this kid for real?  I can’t believe she gave me the money even after I was so mean to her when she tried to help.  I even told her “Go back to your playpen, Baby.” 


Oops, I did it again.  That’s not me either.  That’s Penny (Cynthia Rhodes).  Where is my medication????


Remember when Baby talks to Johnny the first time and when asked what she’s doing there she says “I carried a watermelon.”  OMG.  How embarrassing.  We’ve all had those moments when we meet someone we admire and say something stupid.  Please share your “I carried a watermelon” story with me.


Okay, so this is a really good movie.  There’s a lot of dancing, awesome music and sex.  Oh, and a lot of “Dirty Dancing”.  Who knew people in the Catskills were so talented and horny?? 


I would like to talk about the Dirty Dancing Dancers.  I know they were all supposed to work at the resort but did anyone ever see any of them working except for Johnny and Penny?  They were always dancing and grinding on each other.  I mean not that dancing and grinding is not a job in and of it self.  I wouldn’t know.  I’m just saying. 


Oh, also, I almost forgot.  When you watch the dancers and I know you will – look for Amy Winehouse.  She was one the dancers.  I swear.


Let me talk about the fashions for one minute.  Baby’s wardrobe is really cute except for that bulky blue sweater she wears at the beginning.  I hate that sweater.  But that’s before she boinks Johnny and gets all sexy.  And I do have to mention the pink ballet flats with the “X” strap.  I had those shoes.  Too. Cute.  Johnny, on the other hand, only wore black.  That’s it, Bad Boy Black. 


Remember that old couple who was caught stealing all the wallets?  There is a scene where the old lady drops her purse and all the wallets fall out.  Baby and Penny help her pick up her things. Any of this sound familiar?  The old lady says something that I have never been able to make out.  Something like “such charm, such charm” or “suck my arm, suck my arm” or something.  If you know what she says…please tell me.


They have all these silly activities at Kellerman’s and one of my favorites is “The Hair Raising Wig Show”.  And all the women sit around and try on wigs like Sandra Dee, Jackie Kennedy and Elizabeth Taylor.  But no Little Richard wigs.  Thank goodness. All this is announced by the resorts comedian who is none other than Newman from Seinfeld.  


Early on Baby is sort of fixed up with Neil, Mr. Kellermans nephew, and they have this scene that I think is too funny.  They are standing outside and Neil says “I love to watch your hair blowing in the breeze.”  Baby is looking off to the side and rolling her eyes and she says that maybe her parents are looking for her.  Neil says “Baby, don’t worry if they think your with me, they’ll be the happiest parents at Kellerman’s.  I have to say it.  I’m known as the catch of the county.”  I’m thinking – you’re losing me Neil, Baby you need to get away from this loser.  Then Neil says those three little words that every girl dreams of hearing -“Are you hungry?”  And I’m back in.  Neil seems like a nice guy and he has access to the kitchen.  I love him.


There are so many good scenes that involve Lisa, Baby’s sister.  I really like the one where she has decided to go all the way with Robbie, the waiter and creep.  And she tells Baby and Baby says no wait until it’s with someone you love.  And Lisa says “You don’t care about me.  You wouldn’t care if I humped the entire army… as long as we were on the right side of the Ho Chi Minh trail.  What you care about is that you’re not Daddy’s girl anymore.  He listens to when I talk now, and you hate that.”  I love it that she is able to work humping and Vietnam into this one conversation.  You go Lisa! 


Here is my favorite scene.  Let me break it down for you:


Johnny and Baby are practicing for their performance at the Sheldrake.  They do the final move and she hurts his back and he says something like are you trying to kill me?  Is this fun?  And she’s like yes this is my idea of fun.  We’re supposed to do the show in two days, you won’t show me the lifts, I’m not sure of the turns.  I’m doing all this to save your ass and what I really want to do is drop you on it.  And then he says let’s get outta here.


And they go outside in the rain and he has locked his keys in the car.  That song Overload is playing and Johnny pulls up one of these stakes or poles whatever they are from the parking lot and as the music is playing boom, boom he knocks the window out with the pole with the beat of the music.  It’s always cool to break glass in tune with the music. 


Then they are driving down the road and Baby says “You’re wild!” and he’s like “What?” and she says even louder “YOU’RE WIIIILD!”  I love that part. 


In spite of its name, “Dirty Dancing” is quite a family friendly movie well except for the premarital sex, adultery, lying, stealing, and the abortion   I mean – appointment.


So watch the movie and enjoy it.  Here is a clip to hold you over until you can get to the video store:



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I’m a fraud. A fake. A phony.

In my last post I made all these heartfelt confessions about why I always wanted to be Catholic.  It was all a lie.   A sham.  A ruse.  Here is the real reason I wanted to be Catholic.

“I love to watch you dance Tony.  I love to watch you dance.”


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Take your passion…And make it happen!

I’m at it again.  This time it is 1983’s “Flashdance”.  You know the one where Alex (Jennifer Beals) is a welder in a Pittsburgh steel mill and a dancer at Mawby’s Bar.  I hesitate to call her a stripper, because she never really takes her clothes off.  But her real dream is to study at the Pittsburgh Conservatory of Dance.  This movie has some great songs like What a Feeling by Irene Cara, Maniac by Michael Sembello, Lady, Lady, Lady by I don’t remember who, Gloria by Laura Branigan (I really loved this song and in fact I owned a Laura Branigan cassette.  Apparently she passed in way in 2004 of a brain aneurysm. I did not know that.)  Oh, and I’ll Be Here Where the Heart Is by Kim Carnes.  Remember her?  She had this really deep, husky sexy voice.  Whatever happened to her?  Didn’t she also sing Betty Davis Eyes?  I think yes. 

I had one major problem with this movie.  It’s not the music and it’s not the fashion.  Truth be told, the clothes were not that bad.  Well, except….well…there is this one outfit but I’ll talk about it later.  Some of Alex’s outfits you could actually see on the streets of Pittsburgh today-the straight leg jeans with the high heel pumps, mini skirts with leggings and converse sneakers.  I don’t know about you, but these items are all staples of my current wardrobe.  I think leg warmers have even made a comeback. 

Then of course there is THE LOOK.  Who didn’t run home and immediately cut the neck out of all their sweatshirts.  Just a little side note here:  my friend, let’s call her Cher, almost lost her life because of the torn sweatshirt look.  If you know her, just ask, she’ll tell you all about it.)  Supposedly, Jennifer Beals came up with that look herself.  Thank goodness those shiny Lycra workout bodysuits have not made a comeback.  Yuck.  (At least I don’t think they’ve made a comeback.  Haven’t been in a gym in awhile.)

All the dancers are wearing those shiny things during the work out scene and I think I Love Rock-n-Roll by Joan Jett is playing.  Tina Tech (played by Cynthia Rhodes, who was in fact, a real dancer-watch for her in my upcoming “Dirty Dancing” review) is whining about whether some guy will call or not.  (So glad I never did anything as pathetic as that.  Geez.  Get a life.)  Alex keeps telling her he’ll call, he’ll call, he’ll call.  And the black dancer tells her to call him and then she says something about how she is sooo glad she’s not a honky!  How funny is that?   I’ve never heard anybody in real life use the word honky.

So this brings me to my major problem with this movie:  WIGS!!!    They looked they were from the Little Richard Wig Collection.  We all know that Jenny B didn’t do her own dancing.  I have no problem with that. Could they not find a dancer with naturally curly hair?  Was this person not available?  He’s about the same size, can dance and has naturally curly hair. 

Anyway, the wigs are sooo bad and they look like they are about to fall off at any moment.  If you have not watched this movie in awhile, you should watch just to check out the wig situation.  I never noticed when I was younger but now it is so obvious to me.

I will move on from the wigs to Michael Nouri.  He plays Nick, Alex’s boss at the steel mill and they end up falling in love even though he is old enough to be her father.  But he has a Porsche so who am I to argue with true love.

On one of their dates, they go to watch Jeanie (Alex’s best friend) skate.  This is a dance movie so I don’t know why they had to have a ice-skating, but whatever.  Jeanie has been training for like two years to make into the Ice Capades and everything seems to be going well until she pulls a Tonya Harding and falls on her ass.  Everyone is really sad and trying to comfort her.  She’s all worried about what her Dad will say and he says something about how he’s never loved anybody as much as he loves her at that moment.  Puhleez…where is Jeff Gillooly when you need him?

Another favorite scene is after Alex sees Nick at the ballet with his ex-wife and then she goes to his house on her bike.  And throws a rock through one of his windows.  This scene is pretty funny because I kept thinking how can you make a quick getaway on a bike?  It’s hard enough in a white Honda Prelude.  I’m guessing.  I wouldn’t really know.  But a bicycle?  I don’t know how she did it but she did.  Then the next day at work he is trying to buy her a sandwich from the lunch cart and she is like “No, I don’t want you to buy me a sandwich and I don’t want you to buy me, period.”  And they are arguing back and forth. Trudy, the lunch cart lady, makes the funniest expressions like she wants to say “I’m so glad I’m not a honky.” 

Nick can’t figure out why she is so pissed and mentions that he is not having a good day because of the broken window and she tells him it was her.  And Nick is all like why and that cost me $180.00 bucks and I had special order it.  Then Alex says “Who’s the blonde in the white dress?”  And Nick has that deer in the headlights look that all men get when asked about “the blonde in the white dress” and then, like, duh, he remembers that he went to the ballet with his Ex Wife, who happens to be blonde and wearing a white dress.  He tries to explain how they are on the Arts Council and see each other once a year for this event.  Yada, yada, yada.  So Alex forgives him.  They kiss and make-up in front of all the construction workers or steel mill workers or whatever they are.  They just look like a bunch of dirty guys eating their lunch who cheer when Alex and Nick kiss.  Oh, the good old days when the 40-something boss could boink his 18 year old employee and nobody called foul or sexual harassment or Gloria Allred.

Okay, so here is my favorite scene.  Let me break it down for you:

It is the restaurant scene with the lobster.  You all know what I’m talking about.  I just knew I was not going to use this scene because it makes me soooo uncomfortable with all the sucking, the slurping, and tongue wrestling of the lobster.  This scene really turned me off lobster.  I mean I will not be making a run for the Lob anytime soon. 


Not to mention the dialogue here. 

“How’s the lobster?” 

“It sucks.” 

“Want some of mine?” 

“I’m not hungry.” 

“Whatever turns you on.” 

“What turns you on?” 

“Do you like phone booths?” 

OMG.  Then she has her foot in his crotch.  Yikes.  But I have to say she had on some really cute lace tights. 


 I was so worried about the butter stains on her clothes and then she takes her jacket off.  Anyone remember this????  She has on one of those paper bib things that just looks like a tuxedo shirt and is held on by those little elastic bands and even has little matching paper cuffs.  At first I thought that is really stupid but then I realized this is really quite smart.  I mean if you are going to be slurping and sucking lobster soaked in butter your chances of getting a stain are pretty good.  And we all know how hard those butter stains are to get out.  You know you still eat butter.  Don’t you?  So if you get a stain you just throw away your paper shirt and put on a new one.  I think the fashion industry has missed the boat on this one.  I mean disposable clothing has been around for a long time and no one is trying to market it for grown ups. Hello, people, disposable diapers.


Okay, so then we get to meet the Ex Wife.  You know “the blonde in the white dress”.  She looks like some sort of Russian Czarina or 70’s super model with that fur hat and the crimped hair and the air of superiority.  Why is she wearing a fur hat in a restaurant?  I know Pittsburgh is cold, but seriously.  I think her name is Katie, but I am going to call her Katarina. Here is where the dialogue gets good.  The Ex Wife says something about the first date and did he take her to the steel mill?  He always does.  Then Alex says “yes and I f—– his brains out.”  And then Katarina says, very smugly, as she looks at Alex sitting there in her paper shirt with butter dripping off her chin and her lace clad foot in Nick’s crotch, “Obviously you did.”  Brilliant.  Best line of the whole movie.


I almost forgot something else I liked about this movie.  Alex was Catholic and she goes to confession two times.  As some of you may know, I always wanted to be Catholic.  Cher, my friend, not the singer, always wanted know why Catholic and I never really knew.  We did not attend church when I was a child so most of my experience with church was through books, movies or TV.  And there seemed to be something special about being Catholic.  I think I know now that it was because there were a lot of outward symbols that you were Catholic-you know the stand-up, sit down, fight, fight thing they do in church, crossing yourself, confession, rosaries, cute little cross necklaces and the saint necklaces (love those), crucifixes, and the Virgin Mary just to name a few.  At that time I had no idea about the spiritual part so I thought the rituals and symbols were cool.  I didn’t intend to bare my soul here or offend any Catholics.  I still think Catholics are cool.  So I will move on.


The first confessional scene she confesses that she has been thinking about sex a lot, I mean “how can you not?” she says.  


The next confession is after Hanna (she was Alex’s mentor and dance teacher) dies and she’s all crying about how she wants so much and she’s not sure if it’s every gonna happen.  All well and good but we don’t get to see what her penance is.  What I thought would be funny is if the priest was Gene Kelly and her penance was like some really difficult dance moves.  Something like this:  “Your penance is twenty Hail Mary’s, forty  arabesques, sixty pliés, eighty rond de jambes and may God have mercy on your soles.”  Hee, hee.  See, what I did there?  Soles instead of soul.  I crack myself up.

This movie is still good after all these years if you can get past the wig situation.  I’m trying. 

Of course the final scene is awesome.  Alex auditions even after she found out that Nick pulled a few strings.  There is no way I can do this scene justice so I found this clip:

So watch and enjoy.

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One kid. One town. One chance.

Guess what was on TV last night???  Only one of the most awesome movies of the 80’s and there were a lot of them.  “Footloose” starring Kevin Bacon.  You know the one where Ren (Kevin Bacon) moves to a small town from Chicago where he was in some kind of trouble…drugs.  But don’t say anything.  And the town is all strict and doesn’t allow any kind of nonsense especially dancing or Reverend Shaw Moore will condemn your very soul to Satan.  He has this crazy-ass daughter named Ariel. Not the mermaid, although they do have a lot in common.  Like difficulties getting along with their fathers, wanting to get out of their small towns or oceans, red boots, red hair, no legs, skinny legs.  That reminds of the scene where Ariel and Chuck have a fight because he has finally figured out that she likes Ren.  It took him a long time, because Chuck is, well, dumb.  Rusty, one of Ariel’s friends, (played by Sarah Jessica Parker-now we know where Carrie Bradshaw lived before she moved to NYC) said “Chuck never did have all his dogs barking.”  Hee, hee.  That’s pretty dumb.  Anyway, they are fighting and Chuck says “I guess you’ll wrap those skinny legs around anyone.”  Great line, but it hurt me almost as much as it hurt Ariel.  I cannot tell you how many times jealous, angry ex-boyfriends have said that exact same thing to me. I’m okay.  So then Chuck gets all mean and nasty and hits her, but man she doesn’t give up.  She gets up and goes all Carrie Underwood on his truck.


Okay, anyway, if you have not seen this movie in awhile, you should really watch it.  It is still a good movie with some great songs.  Of course Footloose by Kenny Loggins, Holding Out forA Hero by Bonnie Tyler, Dancing in the Sheets by Shalamar, The Girl Gets Around by none other than Slammy Hagar.   Remember that song is on when Ariel (played by Lori Singer-whatever happened to that skinny chick?  Anyone know?  Get back to me on that one) is straddling the two trucks heading down the highway almost hitting an oncoming diesel.  Let me tell you this is not as easy as it seems.  I mean first you have to like round up two really good drivers, stretch and get limber, psych yourself up and last but certainly not least, smoke like a ton of crack. 


I must discuss the fashions in this show.  Pretty bad.  What is up with all the high water, high-waisted jeans.  Did we really dress like that?  Yikes.  But nobody rocks high-waisted, tight, acid washed Lee jeans like the Bacon.  Speaking of the Bacon, did anyone remember that he had quite a bulge?  Especially in that scene where he is dancing at the mill,  I mean his sausage was smoking. Get it sausage-bacon-get it?  It’s a wiener reference. 


Let’s Hear It for the Boys is another really good song.  It is playing when Ren is trying to teach Willard (Chris Penn, rest in peace) to dance.  The boots on the bleachers scene is totally awesome.  I am going to throw in a Terry J. reference even though some people will argue with me about the similarities between Kevin Bacon and Terry J., but I still see it.  However, Willard reminds me of Troy B. (If you didn’t go to high school with me, then you probably don’t know Terry J. and Troy B. so consider yourselves lucky and bear with me one this one.)  So, in my mind, (which is a scary place) I keep picturing Terry J. trying to teach Troy B. to dance.  In my dreams.  Okay, so anyway, I think the Reverend has more to worry about than some dance.  Is it just me or did anyone notice that Ren and Willard were getting a little to close during those dance lessons?? Probably just me. But there is a scene where they are skipping and dancing and doing somersaults in a field of wildflowers.  Says love to me.


Okay, so here is my favorite scene.  Let me break it down for you:


They actually get to have a prom.  I think it was because Ren was all up in the Rev’s face quoting scriptures at the Town Hall meeting and proved that God does in fact approve of dancing. 


 Almost Paradise is playing at the prom at the flour mill and no one is dancing and the camera is panning the crowd and I almost cried to see all those sweet, innocent, country kids just sitting in the their fine prom wear too scared to dance and I am feeling all sentimental for my prom and remembering what a great dancer I was and then, dude in the blue tux is picking his nose.  I mean not just a subtle little flick the boogie away, but digging like nobody’s business.  Yuck, I am so over this. 


If it was up to me those dumb, non-dancing, fashion-challenged, nose-pickin’ country kids would never have a prom, a dance, a square dance, a mixer, a barn raisin’, a cow milkin’, nothin’.  I mean the blue tux is bad enough, but picking the snoz at the prom.  How disgusting.


I almost forgot about the final fight scene when Willard and Rusty show up and Willard promises not to fight (he is a Penn), but Chuck (Ariel’s ex) shows up too.  Chuck and his goons start punching Willard. Then Ren shows up and Chuck says something like “Here he is… Mr. Dance Fever.” Chuck is so dumb. Kevin Bacon is not Mr. Dance Fever that was, uh, like Danny Terrio.  Rusty (sjp) was right.  Chuck doesn’t have all his dogs barking or cats meowing or cows mooing or ducks quacking.  I think you get my point. 


Then Ren and Willard proceed to kick ass.  Then they go in to the prom and …you guessed it… they dance.  Nothing says I just kicked some ass like a snappy kick ball change.  Okay, so now all the country kids are dancing, everyone is happy, that’s the end, yippee.


All in all, this is a good movie.  I have to admit that I did get up and dance a little.  And you know what?  I still got it.


Oh, I forgot to mention.  Did you know this movie was based on actual events that occurred in Elmore City, OklahomaOklahoma  Rocks!!! 


Here’s a clip just in case you need a visual reminder of this awesome movie:


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